No. 28 - Friday, August 4 - 3 Minute Read - Audio Version Here​

The Trump Button

I’m Boring (and Honestly, You’re Probably Too)

I've decided I'm kind of boring. I catch myself in the same arguments again and again, the same tired viewpoints rolling out of my mouth as if on their own.

I'm gonna guess that you're boring too. That you do the same thing that I do, repeating yourself ad nauseam and rehashing the same arguments for decades on end.

It's kind of dull if you think about it.

Like why not actually shut up and listen instead of hitting the play button on your tape recorder? Maybe the person talking to me actually has something to say. True, they’re repeating the same thing for the 100th time too, but maybe we've never actually heard it? Maybe we've never taken it seriously?

Maybe we've never taken them seriously?

The Trump Button

It's honestly very weird behavior. You would think, for example, we might actually stop arguing about Donald Trump. That we’d sit down at a family table after 8 years of doing this and like leave the putz alone (see, I couldn’t resist the dig 😉). But you can’t. You can’t because you have a Trump button. Someone says the word Trump and you must immediately pull out some completely canned, unoriginal script and spew it out.

No matter what you think of him, isn’t he boring by now? Move on, folks, move on.

Truth be told, we have many Trump buttons. When someone touches their hair triggers, we start flailing about in the same way we have always flailed about hoping somehow for a different result. This time, I’ll finally convince him I’m right!

We live scripted lives. If we're not careful, we can spend our whole life in little puppet loops repeating the same little play again and again.

Why Are We So Boring?

So why do we do it? Why engage in the same behavior that has failed to yield a satisfactory outcome for the 100th time? Why make the same argument to the same person on the same topic if you haven't convinced them the first 100 times you made it?

Clearly this is not an impartial exploration of the truth. It's not about the ideas in question or really getting to the bottom of things. If it were, once you saw that it wasn't working out you'd think you’d let it go.

It's good to see that we're crazy. It gives us options. We can start to look at why we are boring.

Oh, how interesting, I am talking so much because I want to be seen and acknowledged. Can I hold out for a minute and just shut up and listen? What space can I create inside to hold these energies? Can I learn to pacify my need for recognition on my own? Can I learn to take cleaner pride in my handiwork and let go of some of the self-doubt?

And why do I feel so threatened by the possibility that this person might be right? Why does some part of me seem to see someone else being right as diminishing me? Is there a way I can let myself touch this loss and shame that has me so defensive?

Can I take this person seriously and maybe give them some of the acknowledgement that I so desire?

Gentle inquiry breeds understanding, or insight, to use the technical mindfulness term for it. Insight is when we get a clear glimpse into our behaviors. It’s an intuitive, felt understanding that is non-conceptual (not based in thought). It can generate very powerful behavior change. The stronger the insight the more powerful the possible shift in our behavior.

Can We Stop Being Boring?

I argue frequently with my rabbi if people can fundamentally change. He thinks not. I think yes. Insight experiences shift the fabric of how we see the world. When we see clearly, we don’t need to change, we just naturally behave differently. Same person, a little bit more understanding, different behavior. (A meditation teacher of mine likes to call this “ripening.”) Call it change, call it non-change, the output is different.

(There, we’ve settled that argument rabbi.)

The more we understand why we’re so boring, the more possibility that we might become interesting. When we come to know our own thirst, we can learn to slake it. We can unwire some of our Trump buttons. If we can slake ours, maybe we can slake that of others. We can give them permission to unwire their Trump buttons.

And one day maybe we’ll find ourselves just shutting up and listening. Maybe this person can actually teach us something.

Who even knows, maybe one day someone will say Trump and we’ll just smile and nod.

Joseph

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